Our True Home

All along, I have been writing about HLHS being a journey through a less-travelled land. But we are really all travellers through the universe and pilgrims here on earth. We only mistake this for our home, and because of this we often become too comfortable here.

One of the wisest men of the 20th century, C. S. Lewis, wrote in the Problem of Pain, “our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.”

Maybe I came to feel too easy in this world--until HLHS came into our lives. HLHS reminds me every single day to take a more eternal view of things, and to not get too comfortable on this earth, lest I think that it is my home. HLHS reminds me not to judge things, their importance, actions, or people from a worldly standpoint, but to try to see them as God might see them.

One of my favorite parts of Lewis' Mere Christianity is this passage (which I quoted on my myspace blog before I left for Mongolia):

"If I find myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world...probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the somthing else of which they are only a kind of copy or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find til after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that other country and to help others to do the same."

Road Signs on an Unknown Road

Sometimes, there's just so much to say...that you don't know what to say. Many HLHS families have been in my prayers these past couple weeks. 2 precious children lost and 2 more in the hospital whose moms are being told nothing more can be done.

The following is my side of an email conversation I had with a friend after Kieran's last cardiology appointment, at which we got some unsettling results from his ECHO. I don't think said friend will mind if I post it here.

"So last night I was talking to someone about Kieran, and she said, 'just look for a sign from God; He will send you a message that He cares and that everything will be ok.' I was kind of like 'ok, if you say so...' because honestly my faith I think at this point can be compared to a flag that's flying over a battlefield in tatters. I didn't really think much about it after she said that but as I was driving today, I flipped to npr and they were interviewing a singer named John Doe; just as I was about the change the station he started singing a song that started off like this:

There was a time
When the sunshine played in your soft blond hair
Reflected in your golden eyes
You leaned back your head and you laughed about tomorrow
And there it came like a new day
The sun in the sky beamed
Water sparkled down the stream
We knew this would all go away but not today

And when it did you were better
Better than the day you were born
Not quite so perfectly formed
The only wish I had that day that it would stay

Just a little more time with you
With me with you
Just a little more time with you
and me

Down by the stream in the mountains
I promised you faithfully
That I would never leave
If and when I went away I'd still protect you

And I felt like that was the sign God had for me! And even more so, since Kieran's middle name means mountain and one of my friends recently started calling him her mountain. Anyway, it was just perfect."

You can hear John Doe perform this song live on npr about 37 min into this broadcast. I copied song lyrics from Kathleen Edwards' site.