Thestrals

Last night a friend brought up what many of the parents in our HLHS support group have referred to as "waiting for the other shoe to drop." WOSP?? WOSP is wondering if/when something might go wrong again, the cloud of possibilities, the shadow of the unknown. WOSP is wondering how long things might be ok. How long the good times might last. If our child might need another surgery or heart transplant, when they could get sick, if they might have a stroke, if things might all come crashing down in literally a heartbeat.

But I also think WOSP symbolizes a broader reality--that when something traumatic has happened, it leaves a stain on a person that may fade or be scrubbed away over time, but that cannot ever be fully erased. We can hide the stain or turn it into something beautiful, but it is there. The stain comes to represent the realization of life's constant, permanent interplay between light and shadow, such as how we can enjoy the coming months knowing there is a big surgery coming up.

How can any of us enjoy life knowing what will or could happen--yet, to operate under "i'll just hope it doesn't happen to me" can result in a lot of denial and fear, which is paralyzing in itself and limits the ability to be close to others. Sooner or later, unless we close ourselves off from others, we will all have to deal with the realities of life on this earth.

Luna Lovegood being one of my favorite Harry Potter characters, I remembered while talking to my friend last night that Luna (along with Harry) can see thestrals. Thestrals are dark, shadowy creatures (in the story, of course) that cannot be seen unless someone has endured and accepted personal loss. I think they're brilliantly represented in this picture: http://www.gryffindortriumvirate.net/BookV/thestrals.jpg in which Luna is apparently seen off to the side, attending to one of the creatures while the other students obliviously follow Harry to the Ministry of Magic via phonebooth (I won't spoil for those who haven't read book 5 yet, but those who have will recall this is a particularly fateful night).

Thestrals pull the students to Hogwarts, but those who cannot see them think that the chariot moves of its own accord. What Rowling illustrates through thestrals is that the shadows are there whether we choose to see and accept them or not. They do not just "appear" but are all around us. Their pulling the students' chariot represents the unseen forces of fate, destiny, and death that touch our lives when we think we are moving along by ourselves. While they are feared by some in the books and seen as bad luck by the magical community in general, they are not feared by Luna and Harry, who have a more personal knowledge of them. The "Elder Wand" in book 7 is also referred to as thhe "Wand of Destiny," and is the only wand in the series said to be made of a thestral's hair.

One of the things I've learned because of HLHS is to live with the reality of the thestrals. That the shadow and light is around us all the time, and there is no escaping it as long as we're here, but that we do not need to fear it. That whether we face it or not, we need to learn how to enjoy and be grateful for the time we have. Two separate people on different occaisions have mentioned being lulled into a false sense of security or complacency when it comes to "heart kids," esp with an (as yet) incurable condition like HLHS. But the truth is that we can *all* get lulled into security and complacency, not only forgetting to have a spirit of gratitude for what we have, but blinding us to what's going on in the lives of others around us.